Zod Damn It

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 7.06.20 PM.png

Syd: With the first season of Supergirl done, I decided that we should watch Superman II, which I hadn’t seen in years. Even having forgotten most of what happened in this movie, I had noticed several references to it in Supergirl, even though this movie does not feature and really has nothing at all to do with Supergirl. The movie and the TV show shared the character of Jimmy Olsen, who is a main character on the show and in the movie technically has a speaking role. The show’s main villain Non is also in the movie and against all odds has fewer lines than Jimmy.

Margaret: I had watched one of the Superman movies awhile ago and all I had remembered about it was that it involved Superman flying so fast that he turned back time and I wanted to know if it was this movie.

Syd: Well, yes and no, but we’ll get to it. I should note that we watched the director’s cut because neither of us had seen this movie the way the Richard Donner intended it. I have to say that despite the movie being stripped of Richard Lester’s comedy beats, I still had a very hard time taking it seriously. Actually, it would have seemed much more legitimate as a film if it had at least one musical number with the Beatles.

Margaret: There was a weird dissonance between the people who were playing it straight – the Kyptonian criminals and Lois – and the people who were hamming it up, which was everyone else. The Kryptonians are not hokey evil like Lex. Their plans aren’t elaborate and involving ascots. They murder people in cold blood as opposed to people just dying as a result of their plans. They murder a kid at one point. And Lois is very serious about her attempts to expose Clark Kent as Superman and then protect the man that she loves. Everyone else is here for the fun. Especially Gene Hackman cracking wise on various articles of furniture.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.34.23 PM.png

Syd: Hey, Lex Luthor has to wear an ascot with his prison uniform, to show that he’s classy even in dire circumstances. But you’re right. This movie is tonally inconsistent and it’s pretty jarring.

Margaret: Exactly. It’s like no one knew what movie they wanted to make, so everyone acted in a different manner. The movie begins in an almost Shakespearean manner, and then things very quickly devolve into our lead actress being bounced into watermelons.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.15.27 PM.png

Syd: We start on the Ice Planet Krypton, where three Kryptonian criminals are being held in hula hoops while they’re on trial for attempting to overthrow the government. We pretty much already saw this scene on Supergirl, but it was an interesting contrast to see it with any production values.

Margaret: At least in this movie, we actually know what they are convicted for from the beginning. There’s some moral ambiguity with overthrowing the government. Perhaps the Kyptonian government was corrupt, much like Supergirl was attempting to lead us to believe. There has to be a reason to overthrow the government, but it seems like Non’s defense is only that he wanted power.

Syd: No, Zod’s only justification is wanting power. He forfeits the right to moral ambiguity when he meets humans for the first time and immediately murders them.

Margaret: And they were astronauts! That’s how you know they are actually evil!

Syd: The Kryptonian council’s decision of whether to exile the criminals has to be unanimous, so when everyone but Jor-El has voted, Zod declares that Jor-El has to cast the “deciding vote.” I know that the point was that we had to establish why Zod had a personal grudge against Jor-El specifically, but, seriously, that isn’t how a unanimous vote works. Zod’s outrage against Jor-El in particular would make sense if the council were evenly divided and Jor-El had to cast a tie-breaking vote, but as it was, every member of the council voted the same way and Jor-El was just the one who voted last, meaning that he was the one most hesitant to condemn them – Zod should hate him the least. Also, considering that being in exile was the only reason Zod survived Krypton’s destruction, Jor-El totally saved Zod’s life. What an ingrate.

Margaret: Though, do they know that Krypton exploded? As they were exiled awhile before that, it’s possible they don’t.

Syd: You’re right! They were away for Krypton’s destruction! They have no idea that it’s gone!

Margaret: It makes sense, though, that they never bring it up. They were sentenced to a LaserDisc cover prison for all eternity. Once they escaped from it and found themselves near a habitable and conquerable world, it follows that they would decide to try and take it over. Especially since they have superpower on Earth, unlike on Krypton. However, for now, they are trapped spinning in 2D hell in space.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.20.55 PM.png

Syd: Next, we have a recap of the previous movie in case you missed it.

Margaret: Which, honestly, was even more confusing to me. They were cutting so quickly between things that I didn’t get what was happening and was yelling at the screen to slow down. It was only after you told me that it was the plot of the previous movie that I realized it was the movie version of ‘Previously on…”

Syd: The credits start up. Gene Hackman gets top billing and boy does he deserve it. I know that this series’ interpretation of Lex Luthor is not very threatening and his plans don’t make any sense, but none of that matters because Gene Hackman is wonderful and is an absolute joy to watch. Christopher Reeve is charming and all, but the only person whose name deserves prominence over Hackman’s is John Williams.

Margaret: Though, that’s another discord with the movie’s tone. In a lighthearted movie about superheroes, you don’t need an incredibly threatening villain. A fast talker that wants more power and money without a ton of explanation is fine, and even welcome. The problem comes when you then have the second, primary villains that are actual murderers and will violently overthrow things.

Syd: This movie is mostly a fun children’s romp, and while Lex trying to bluff his way into becoming the king of Australia doesn’t fit into the science fiction epic that Zod’s story wants to be, it’s what makes the movie worthwhile.

Margaret: The difference is definitely exemplified by the first time you meet both villains. The Kryptonians are in a trial saying they will murder Marlon Brando’s children. We first meet Lex in jail with a bumbling Otis. He has a plan to escape and also how to get revenge on Superman, but it involves a scene that has people getting stuck in prison laundry as well as a dumb joke about having to leave Otis behind because he’s so fat he pulls down a hot air balloon.

Syd: Lex has built a tracker that has located Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Explaining how the tracker works, he mentions that he could have set it to locate anything – for instance, pasta fazool. By the way, did you know this movie was written by Mario Puzo, writer of The Godfather?

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.26.25 PM.png

Margaret: Actually, I had no idea until I watched the credits. That fact is so weird for me, as I feel like the Godfather book is incredibly serious. The fact that the guy who wrote the scene involving Sonny being gunned down at a tollbooth is also the guy who wrote a hot air balloon fat joke is very weird.

Syd: The Phantom Zone Criminals arrive on the moon and none of the science in this scene makes sense. The problem I have with movie science in general is that I don’t know what things we’re supposed to notice and what things we’re supposed to ignore. For instance Ursa is wearing no space suit and has a conversation with an astronaut who was in a space suit. How does he hear her? Do Kryptonians speak via radio waves? Also, how does she speak English? They all speak English, but not Russian. There is no explanation for this. Even a single throwaway line to handwave that would have been helpful. I don’t understand why there is no explanation for them communicating with humans when they do take the time to explain their superpowers. Zod has a line about their molecular density being affected by the radiation from Earth’s “only one sun” (as opposed to Krypton, which also had only one sun). I don’t know why writers are so averse to the explanation “Kryptonians just naturally have superpowers,” but it doesn’t matter, because how they get their powers really doesn’t affect the story one way or another. What does come up repeatedly is how they don’t know anything about the Earth, so you would think they would have some mention of what languages they speak and why.

Margaret: My guess is it has to do with what writers think we will naturally write off. For a lot of people, there is the idea that English is the default language, not Russian. It’s the same reason that ‘Common Tongue’ is defaulted English. The fact that they are fine without space suits is Because Aliens.

9189283

Margaret: And, I guess, the sound in space thing is like Star Wars and Star Trek. There are very few shows that get space right. Especially the sound thing.

Syd: In the Fortress of Solitude, Lex Luthor learns about Krypton from a holographic recording of Jor-El. At this point, I am really confused because I’m not sure what is supposed to be funny. I’m not sure if parts of this movie were supposed to be impressive and exciting or if, as an adult, I’m expected to cynically view this whole endeavour as absurd. I thought I was getting when there were jokes that just didn’t work – like when Teschmacher, who according to the dialogue hadn’t peed in two days, peed into what may or may not have actually been a toilet, I didn’t think it was funny, but I knew it was supposed to be – but was this whole thing with people talking to holographic recordings something that maybe we were supposed to take seriously? There’s a bit when Jor-El responds to a question that Lex didn’t ask and Lex is bemused that the hologram expects him to be talking to it and I think it’s a joke, but the set-up for that joke – Superman actually talking to the hologram – didn’t happen until later. So was this just a poorly constructed joke or was this supposed to actually make sense?

Margaret: It’s a good question. I believe with Lex Luthor it was a joke. Is this the exact same recording from Superman I? If so, that is actually hilarious. Jor-El recorded himself answering a question he just expected Clark to answer. It worked out for Clark, but what if he had asked something completely different? It’s a kind of pull back the curtain moment, which I find funny.

Syd: The problem is that I don’t remember every detail from Superman and that’s not the movie I’m watching.

Margaret: And if it is from Superman I, why didn’t they put it in the ‘Previously On’ portion of the movie? What was the point of all those random scenes that confused the hell out of me, if they didn’t actually provide any relevant information to the callbacks that were about to happen?

Syd: All of those intolerable scenes where Supergirl was talking to the AI hologram of her mother were definitely drawing from this movie, because if you just genderflip things from Superman stories, you don’t even need to read a Supergirl comic. What’s interesting is that in Supergirl, talking to the hologram actually makes sense, because like in Man of Steel (but unlike in Superman II), the hologram is voice activated. But to keep the joke (?) going, they had to show that Supergirl totally doesn’t understand the technology because she asks the hologram for a hug. This is kind of crazy because Supergirl lived on Krypton until she was a teenager. She should understand how holograms work. It would be like if there were a scene in a movie where someone asked her mother for a hug over the phone and the mother said, “I cannot hug you because I am not physically here. I am miles away and you are only hearing my voice through the device against your ear.”

Margaret: We’ve talked about it before, but the hologram talking scenes didn’t drive me quite as crazy. I have certainly yelled at and had one sided conversations with inanimate objects that I had no thought would actually respond to me. To me, they were like people talking to gravestones or to the sky for deceased loved ones. It was a concept they didn’t execute well, but they didn’t infuriate me as much.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.44.22 PM.png

Syd: And you have asked people on television for hugs? On second thought, don’t answer that.

Margaret: I totally will answer that. I have not, but if I could, I totally would.

Syd: Look, I understand that people talk to inanimate objects and the memories of loved ones, but that doesn’t excuse scenes of Laura Benanti pretending to be a robot.

Margaret: That I will give you. She did not really robot well. She didn’t give much indication as to why Supergirl would imprint like a baby bird onto this AI hologram, so it was much more of a leap of “okay, I guess I see what they are trying to say” as opposed to actually showing it.

Syd: It’s somewhat interesting that Jor-El mentions that these three criminals were actually Krypton’s only criminals ever. It’s weird how in Supergirl and Man of Steel, Krypton was this troubled society whose demise was a result of their own hubris and irresponsibility, but in Superman II, Krypton was so ideally Utopian that there were only three people so incorrigible that the council had to resort to imprisonment or exile. Of course, in this movie it serves a practical purpose – three supercriminals can overthrow the US government so easily that more than that would just be absurdly unmanageable from a narrative perspective, right, writers of Supergirl?

Margaret: It’s so jarring to me how immediately effective Non and his two friends were at just taking things over. With how many plot points and character beats Supergirl took from this movie, you would think they would have thought that Astra’s convoluted plan would play out well. In Superman, three Kryptonians take over the US Government in days. In Supergirl, twenty can’t even take over National City.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 4.46.59 PM.png

Syd: Meanwhile, Lois and Clark are posing as newlyweds to investigate some sort of vaguely defined scam in Niagara Falls. This reminds me of the X-Files episode “Arcadia,” where Mulder and Scully have to pose as a married couple for an investigation. Do employers usually pick employees with obvious sexual chemistry for these assignments? I’m imagining Skinner and Perry shipping their underlings. I bet Perry ships Jimmy with Cat.

Margaret: No way, Perry is totally a Lucy/Kara shipper.

Syd: A kid who was playing on the railings falls into the Falls and Superman has to save him without giving away his secret identity. This is used to further Lois’ suspicions of Clark, but, really, I just feel bad for all of the kids who fell in on days when Clark wasn’t there.

Margaret: Lois actually brings that up, without actually seeming to care about the children at stake. She says, “Superman just happens to save a child at Niagara Falls while we’re here.” That definitely implies that she doesn’t really care about the child saved, all she is interested in is calling out Clark as Superman.

Syd: When Lois confronts Clark about him obviously being Superman, Clark says, “We’ve been over these hallucinations of yours.” I don’t know why Clark gaslighting Lois bothers me so much. He did it in the comics, too, and I never liked it there, but it was easier to dismiss when I didn’t read Superman as a real person. When I see a flesh-and-blood man saying that, it just strikes me as so wrong.

Margaret: The gaslighting definitely bothered me. It always bothers me when the – almost exclusively – male heroes tell their smart and otherwise capable ladies who are figuring out their secret identities that they are ‘delusional’ and ‘seeing things’ and how they must be stressed out or too distraught to understand what they are seeing. Their minds are playing tricks on them. You know, as ladies and their brains do. Who are they going to believe? Him or their own eyes?

Syd: Meanwhile, the Phantom Zone Criminals arrive in a small town and start murdering everyone. Zod declares, “These humans are beginning to bore me,” revealing that he knows these creatures are called “humans” the same way he knows English.

Margaret: Yes, though he doesn’t know that the planet is called earth. He thinks it is called Houston. Also, he murders a boy on a horse, because he can and because he is evil.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 5.18.48 PM.png

Syd: Clark takes Lois to the Fortress of Solitude, where they have a romantic dinner together and this is the first scene in the movie that I unironically like. Kidder and Reeve have a nice chemistry and I would have been glad to see a movie about their romance without this nonsense about gaining and losing superpowers.

Margaret: It’s a nice scene. I like that they genuinely like each other, despite how horribly Lois treated Clark before this.

Syd: Clark loads a recording of his father that tells him there is a way for him to forsake his superpowers so he could live as a human. What’s insane about this – besides the fact that he doesn’t consult Lois, which is completely insane – is that he had already been living as a human with the superpowers. There is no reason he needed to lose his powers to have a relationship with Lois. Look, I know relationships can be time-consuming and can really cut into your Supermanning time, but giving up on being Superman doesn’t really require risky physiological changes. Even if he could live with the guilt of giving up on helping and protecting the people of this planet, he could still keep the powers just in case he needed them.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 5.24.46 PM.png

Margaret: That is a huge decision and if they’re in a relationship together and he really is serious about it, that seems like a discussion the two of them should have together. I know they show her watching everything in his Superman shirt, but it seems so selfish of him. Not only just because the world is losing Superman, but because he doesn’t even think to talk to Lois about it. I mean, Lois liked Superman, not Clark Kent. She liked the man who could fly and save people because he was a hero. It’s nice that Clark thinks that she’ll love him without the things that actually drew her to him in the first place, but that’s a pretty big leap.

Meanwhile, as this is the seventies and people can’t get instant updates on their phone, all hell is breaking loose and Superman has no idea he should really have picked up a newspaper before giving up his powers. I mean, he works for the Daily Planet, shouldn’t he know to at least check the wires before making a decision like that?

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 5.25.28 PM.png

Syd: Ursa and her crew are taken to the President by a man that she identifies as a General by the stars on his epaulets – which is a universal symbol that even visitors from another planet can recognize. Zod then demands that the country’s leader kneel in subservience before him. For the record, this is what Astra should have been doing on Supergirl instead of wasting time threatening billionaires and deliberately getting captured.

Margaret: I can only think they went this way because they didn’t want to be accused of stealing the plot of Superman II entirely. So, instead of having them decide to take everything over by force, they went with a completely flawed and overly complicated plan that didn’t work out anyway.

Syd: In this scene, Zod notices the eagle printed on the carpet and says, “I see you are practiced in worshipping things that fly.” So, he knows what eagles are?

Margaret: I guess it wasn’t until Supergirl that they mention they don’t have birds on Krypton. Zod didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to know what eagles are.

Syd: Lois and a depowered Clark make their way to a diner, and Lois must be waiting for the first opportunity to ditch him, because without his powers, he is in a very real way no longer the man she fell in love with. Unfortunately, when Clark loses a fight to a man who was hitting on her, she has to stand by him to save face.

Margaret: This is a moot and silly point, but how in the world did they get out of the Fortress of Solitude? Did they just walk from the North Pole?

Syd: I’m kind of glad that they edited out the scenes of Lois tearing Clark apart for giving up his superpowers as they trekked to the nearest rest stop on foot in the snow.

Margaret: I don’t know, that could have been an interesting character point, as that would show that Lois was again treating him like Clark as opposed to Superman. But, that would also detract from the love story.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 5.44.36 PM.png

Syd: I guess it doesn’t matter, because when Clark sees a news report saying that Zod had conquered America, he goes back to the Fortress to get his powers back. Lois must have had the mother of all “I told you so” tirades ready for this situation.

Margaret: As soon as Lois confirms Clark is Superman, she becomes very passive in the story. The diner scene, especially, is a place where I expected her to step up and show that reporter pluck that got her into dangerous situations all the time. She knows that Clark is depowered and yet the writers basically use her as a set piece. She only jumps on the trucker to defend Clark once he’s already beaten up. That continues for the rest of the movie.

Syd: What amazes me most is that getting his powers back was a situation that Jor-El had prepared for. There really was no consequence at all to him losing his powers. He can just turn them off and on like a light switch. You go into a movie like this knowing that the status quo will be restored by the end, but Superman forsaking his powers to live among the humans on their terms is something that I would have thought would last at least a day, or at least that it would create some drama when he needed his powers and didn’t have them for some situation other than him picking a stupid fight.

Margaret: He also never has his moment of realizing that he was a superhero inside all along. That part is pretty interesting, actually. Clark realizes that he can’t be a human – the only way he can contribute is if he is Superman. They do the opposite with Supergirl. They pull the ‘you were a hero in your heart’ with her. I was waiting for them to do the same thing in this movie, but they just skip right to the part where he feels bad for making a dumb choice.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 6.03.45 PM.png

Syd: Meanwhile, Lex Luthor meets up with Zod and offers to help him find the son of Jor-El, taking him to the office of the Daily Planet. Gene Hackman owns these scenes. He is supremely confident as befits a much better supervillain than the Three Enemigos and the way he reclines on the filing cabinets is priceless. I also love how desperate when he loses control of the situation and Zod threatens to kill him until Superman shows up leading to the brilliant delivery of “Thank God! I mean… Get him!”

Margaret: Lex is so flippant, which is great. Gene Hackman is great at playing jackasses who you can’t help but root for, even when they’re the bad guys. Once Superman shows up, a large fight scene ensues on the streets of the city. It’s clear that none of these characters care about the fact that there are definitely people in the cars that they toss around. It’s only when there’s a bus that they show any occupants.

Syd: I think this fight scene was something that Zack Snyder saw and thought, “You call that destruction? I could do better than that.” The problem is that most people, if they considered the casualties incurred, would see that as a grim consequence of the battle between two gods rather than the most awesome part of the movie.

Margaret: Zack Snyder certainly thinks that’s the case! He’s defended the death toll of Man of Steel by talking about how they raze planets in The Force Awakens. He doesn’t seem to get the fact that the bad guys do that. It’s why they are the bad guys. At least in this movie, Superman actually thinks about the people in the city, drawing the fight away from a populous area.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 6.00.08 PM.png

Syd: During this scene, we get the best line in the movie when Lex says, “I held up my end, I delivered the blue boy. What do I get from my triple threat? ‘Bow! Yield! Kneel!’ That kind of stuff closes out a town.” I kind of love that they subtly revealed that Lex Luthor has a background in theatre. That explains the theatrical nature of everything he does and it also provides a sorely lacking villainous origin. He never made it on Broadway, and in the back of his mind he is always thinking, “I’ll show those halfwits at the New York Times who’s a talentless hack when their skulls are crushed under my boots!”

Margaret: Superman leaves to draw the Kryptonians out of the city and to the Fortress of Solitude. The Kryptonians – for some reason – decide to bring both Lois and Lex, despite the fact that they’ve already said they were going to kill them.

Syd: They said they were going to kill Lex, but they also promised him Australia. Given how inconsistent the Phantom Zone prisoners are with their word, I would say that this has a fifty-fifty shot of working out great for him.

Margaret: Superman’s ploy is actually pretty clever. He ‘entrusts’ Lex with privileged information about the Power Losing Station, knowing he’ll sell out Superman to save himself. Since he was there beforehand, he already set up the controls to protect himself. He uses what he knows about Lex as well as the Kryptonians to gamble his way into getting Zod and his lackeys to lose their powers. He then punches them into a foggy void that goes who knows where.

Syd: This is when I was sorry that I wasn’t watching the theatrical cut. I had forgotten almost everything about this movie, but I sure as hell remembered Superman throwing his S shield at Non in their fight.

get.gif

Margaret: I totally remember that that was a thing that happened, but had no idea it was Superman II. In my mind it is just a singular event, devoid of any actual script or story.

Syd: I was shocked that this wasn’t in the original version of the movie. I kind of thought that was a remnant from a previous version of the movie that made more sense in the script or in a previous cut, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Some producer watched that fight scene and thought, “Hey! Why does Superman never use his shield?!” and nobody told him that it’s actually part of his costume, not a weapon.

Margaret: I guess Donner is wacky enough to have fat jokes, balloons over prisons and a sex bean bag bed, but he draws the line at symbol weaponry. Maybe that’s what got him fired.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 6.21.34 PM.png

After winning the day, for some reason, Superman then blows up the Fortress of Solitude, despite the fact that he has already defeated his enemies.

Syd: This is double crazy, because not only are his enemies already incapacitated, but he also knew he was just going to reverse time shortly after this and undo the entire movie. It makes it seem like he just blows stuff up all of the time for fun and then reverses time to undo it. Life is Superman’s Grand Theft Auto save file.

After this point, the Kryptonians are never seen again. There was a deleted scene (that was in the international version of the movie) in which you can see them being arrested after the fight, meaning that they weren’t dead. I know this scene isn’t in the Richard Donner Cut, but this cut doesn’t contradict it and the fact that the scene was shot means that we weren’t supposed to interpret Superman as having killed them. Certainly, we don’t see the Kryptonians die or see their bodies and we don’t know how far they fell or into what. At the very least, it’s ambiguous.

I bring up the uncertain fate of the Kryptonians mostly because people like to bring up this movie when arguing about whether Man of Steel sucked (which it did) as an example of Superman killing. Not only is that technically wrong, it’s irrelevant. Man of Steel was a completely separate (boring) interpretation of the character, so what happened in previous Superman movies has no bearing on it. The fact is that the idea of an all-powerful alien god who kills with impunity is terrifying, not inspirational, and it doesn’t become any less terrifying if it’s consistent. If you want a Superman story in which Superman comes off as heroic, then you need to present the character in a way that isn’t terrifying. I have to side with people who flat-out say, “Superman doesn’t kill,” despite the fact that I have enjoyed stories in which Superman has killed, because that is a better argument than relying on comic book fans and writers and filmmakers to be able to handle nuance. You could say, “Superman has killed, but given his well-established reverence for life, the circumstances that require him to kill would have to be dire and the consequences for killing must be grave,” but people will have stopped listening before you finish your sentence. Too many people have some misgivings about Superman to begin with. They say that it’s hard to write for Superman because he’s too powerful. There’s some truth to that, but Superman can be worthwhile if he’s likeable or awe-inspiring or having fun adventures. The kind of thinking that allows Superman to kill usually results in a character like the one from Man of Steel, who has nothing going for him.

TL;DR – Superman doesn’t kill.

Margaret: After sharing another kiss with Lois, they all fly off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Except that, after putting her on her balcony, for some reason he decides to fly around the Earth so fast that he turns back time. I think he’s trying to say that he and Lois can never be together because he is Superman, but it makes no sense. She’s shown that she loves him and he’s shown that he can be Superman while also being in love with Lois. He doesn’t need to erase time because of it.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 6.28.17 PM.png

Syd: You kind of just brushed off the fact that Superman erased the entire movie. People get pissed off when a character wakes up and it turns out the entire story was a dream. They realize that this is exactly the same bullshit, right? Nothing that happened in this movie affects any of these characters. Their arcs are undone. I was already thrown for a loop when Superman losing his powers had no consequence, but that was rendered entirely irrelevant when it turned out that nothing at all in the movie had any consequence. All of the bad guys are back in jail. Lois doesn’t know who Superman is. Superman has the memory of sex with Lois and getting to kill people and blow things up, but none of it mattered.

Margaret: Right, if he turned back time, does that mean that General Zod is still out there? And, when he goes back to the diner with his powers completely restored, did he just beat up a guy for seemingly no reason whatsoever? That’s a pretty dick move, Superman.

Syd: Yes! I’m not the only one who noticed! Superman beat up a person who was completely helpless against him for something that the guy didn’t even actually do!  This was after Superman walked in and blatantly insulted him intending to start a fight. Superman is such a dick! I hope that pinball machine actually was replaceable, because it is totalled.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 7.05.30 PM.png

GRADING THE EPISODE MOVIE EPISODE

Syd: This is a B-. I would knock it down further for inspiring atrocities like half of Supergirl or Man of Steel, but, honestly, it had no way of knowing what it was unleashing on the world. As a semicampy superhero adventure, it was fine other than the godawful ending. It could have committed more to the tone, but it wasn’t unenjoyable.

Margaret: I am actually at a C. For me it was completely middle of the road. It was an enjoyable movie to watch with friends and MST3K it. I wouldn’t watch it again or by myself, however.

Syd: Oh, God, no.

Margaret: Right! It was fun and silly, which is fine. It wasn’t particularly great, it wasn’t particularly awful except for in a funny way.

Syd: So, overall, we’re fine with the fact that, in the end, none of this really happened.

Margaret: Exactly. We’re basically Bohemian Rhapsody. Nothing really matters to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s